Abbie, a lovely woman in her early 40’s, shared her ‘Cookies ritual’; it used to ignite on lonely nights when the kids were away at their dad’s place. Abbie would find herself at the end of a long day after work, tired and lonely, sitting by the fireplace that was just about to turn off. She already had dinner and a glass of wine... and this is when she would reach out to the cookies plate in the fridge. It was always there waiting for her, with the biscuits nicely arranged on it. Her intention was always the same: ‘I’ll just have something small for desert’. However, no matter how full she felt, her hand would feel compelled to reach out to those biscuits for more, as if it had a mind of its own. Without noticing, one biscuit became three, and three biscuits very quickly turned to be the whole lot. ‘When did that happen??’ was the constant question she asked herself the moment her full awareness came back, facing the empty plate again…!
Abbie did her best to try and control this habit with her will-power; she kept repeating a speech in her head, stating all the reasons why this habit was not healthy nor serving her. However her efforts were to no avail and she kept beating herself up over and over again for her failures. She then decided to stop buying these biscuits all together, only to find out that every time she passed through the cookies isle at the supermarket, this specific cookies bag would ‘call her’ and she would reach out and add it to the trolly, convinced that this time things would be different.
I asked Abbie to bring the cookies plate so that we can start tapping. She found the last half-of-a-biscuit that was left and hesitantly brought it and placed it in front of her. We started to tap… We tapped on the way the biscuits looked, their sweetness, texture and the way they melt in the mouth. We tapped on the way the plate looked when it was full with biscuits beautifully organised. And then we tapped on the cookies’ smell… and oh boy, this was profound and we soon realised we were onto something.
Abbie became very emotional while tapping on ’the smell of the cookies… this kind of old, sweet, oats smell…’. It reminded her of her grandparents’ place in North America where she used to spend her summer holidays. At grandpa and grandma’s house Abbie felt validated, loved, safe and free to be herself. She used to play and enjoy nature all around her. Abbie liked to borrow grandma’s nighty that was loose and ‘allowing’ and binge eat on her favourite treats; no judgement was ever imposed on her. She could read the books she wanted, watch the TV shows she liked and even stay up late at occasional nights. Her grandparents showered her with love and kindness. This was her safety heaven where she felt secure and grounded.
While tapping, Abbie connected to the love and safety that her grandparents provided her with. She had a major breakthrough when she realised that she could always access these feelings in her heart and reach the desired state of calmness without the need of a mediator in a shape of cookies. Abbie found peace and empowerment within herself.
At the end of the session when asked to take a bite from the half-of-a-biscuit that was infront of her, Abbie responded with: “really, do I have to?” and instead chose to return the plate to the fridge.
The best part of this story actually happened a week later, on a follow up session, Abbie happily reported that on her usual weekly shopping at the supermarket, she walked through the cookies isle and… these cookies were not calling her anymore! She simply stared at them, shrugged her shoulders and moved on. This very same behaviour was still holding true a month later when we met for our last session together. Abbie is now emotionally free to choose to buy and eat cookies when she wants to, she is in control and not at the mercy of the cookies’ call.
Every craving has a story behind it, are you ready to release yours and move on?
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